Imagine, if you will the strangest meeting of two minds of two highly recognizable people on this planet, one very powerful and the other quite kookoo bananas. How about the unlikely pairing of Vladimir Putin and Pewee Herman? Or Queen Elizabeth and Lady Gaga? The Pope and Charlie Manson?
Last week, newspapers with headlines that sent readers looking for the April 1st date announced former NBA star and professional wrestler, Dennis Rodman, who once competed in Finland’s Wife Carrying Championship without a wife met with North Korea’s Kim Jong Un, the world’s most dangerous and unpredictable leader. Rodman and Un. When Rodman “The Worm” met Kim “The Nuclear Nutbar” it was friendship at first sight and the rest is just the weirdest act of international diplomacy in history.
The shock could only have been greater if the newspapers had published a long-lost photograph of Joseph Stalin and Mahatma Gandhi camping together. Dennis Rodman who has more tattoos and facial rings than North Korea has nuclear warheads met with Kim Jong Un!!! And there they were together, laughing and watching a basketball game with Dennis’ nose stud overshadowing Kim’s wedding ring, this in a country where even facial hair is forbidden.
Rodman had travelled to the capital of Pyongyang with the Harlem Globetrotters basketball for an exhibition match against North Korea’s best players and to conduct a basketball camp for kids. During their two days together Dennis and Kim took in an ice skating demonstration, visited an aquarium and apparently enjoyed a very long dinner together in which alcohol was the main course. Fortunately these two crazy guys, all snapped up on soju didn’t get into one of those “Do not! Do too! Do not! Do too!” scenarios in which they stagger out back so that Kim can prove he’s got a nuclear warhead that will reach America. Nobody likes a state dinner that ends with a mushroom cloud instead of dessert.
Un, from a long line of Kims is dead set on destroying the United States in a nuclear suicide mission. Most of the country’s 22 million people are malnourished and almost 400,000 die of starvation every year. Approximately 200,000 North Koreans live in labour-intensive concentration camps, some are born there and never get out.
And Dennis Rodman’s critical
assessment of Kim Jong Un, the high priest of human rights abuse? “I love the guy, I think he’s awesome. So honest. Guess what? He’s my friend.”
As a result of this encounter, Dennis Rodman who once wore a wedding dress for the launch of his biography – and I must say, in the photos featuring the long veil and beaded bra he does look quite fetching – now knows more about the worlds’ most treacherous tyrant than anybody else on earth including Hillary, John Kerry, the CIA and the ghost of J. Edgar Hoover.
It’s hard to determine which is more dangerous, Kim Jong Un and his nuclear program or Dennis Rodman with information nobody else has.
Scary as it might be, the question needs to be asked: “Is Dennis Rodman the new Hillary?” Let’s be honest, she wasn’t able to get a face-to-face meeting with Kim Jung Un plus Dennis looks a lot better than her in a dress. In the American system of government which has been officially declared dysfunctional, do not think the title “Ambassador Rodman” is entirely out of the question.
I can only imagine the CIA’s debriefing of Dennis Rodman when he returned from North Korea.
Agent: “Did Kim Jong Un appear to be a stable individual?”
Rodman: “Oh man, I don’t know. We were both pretty wasted.”
Agent: “Did he make any threats against Americans?”
Rodman: “Well right after like the fifth time we sang “A Hundred Bottles Of Beer On The Wall” he said he could kick Tiger Woods’ ass at golf.”
Agent: “Did you detect any erratic behavior in the man?”
Rodman: “No, not really. I mean he shot one of the waiters at the head table but to be honest, the soup was cold.”
Agent: “Did you see Kim’s fusion reactor?”
Rodman: “Ah, so that’s what you guys call it. No we didn’t like shower together or anything. We just watched the game.”
Agent: “Did you take any photos?”
Rodman: “Tons of ‘em. Everything. Everywhere.”
Agent: “Can I see them?”
Rodman: “I deleted all the ones of the buildings and factories. You wanna see me and Kim kissing a dolphin at the same time?”
Let’s all keep our fingers crossed that Dennis Rodman’s career as a diplomat comes to a quick and quiet end and this trend dies with it. The last thing we need is to pick up a newspaper next month and read: “North Korean Ambassador Rodman today met with Secretary of Defense Clint Eastwood.”
Upon landing Rodman tweeted his legion of fans that he was: “looking forward to running into the Gangnam style dude.” No one told him that if in fact that meeting took place, he’d be in the wrong Korea. The important thing is the pilot knew the difference.
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